I'm not sure. My heart is wavering. I don't know if I should continue this or not. I don't know where this is going. But that doesn't mean that I love him any less. I love him, I truly do. But if he won't choose me, there's nothing else I can do. I can't force him to pick me. :( He told me that he's unsure of his feelings 'cause of his former love. :(((( When he said those words, damn. My heart almost died. If this had happened with any other guy, I would have given up already. So why... why can't I give up now!!! I went to church earlier. The feelings came rushing back to me. It all came back to me. On the last week of December, there I was in our church, kneeling before God, thanking Him for letting me meet P. While I was praying earlier, tears came flowing down my cheeks. I tried to stop crying though, 'cause it was embarrassing to be seen by people meheh. And so, I thanked Him again for letting me get to know P. Everyday I will thank Him for that. I'm suffering right now. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't regret feeling this way, even though it hurts so bad. He's the reason why I'm hurting right now... and at the same time, he's the only one who could make me this much happy. :) I thank him for that. He doesn't know how much he had changed my life... if he were to leave me, I'd understand. God has plans for everyone of us, He has plans for me. Whatever will be will be. Right now, he's still unsure of his feelings. I feel the same. All I know is that I don't want this to end. I'm serious now. I could be a bitch (sorry for the word -_-) at times... I could fool around anytime, but no. I won't. This time I'm serious. I'm sure. I ain't letting him go. Being this unsure, I hate it, but at the same time I don't hate it. Whuuut. Now that's confusing. Haha. I think this is what it means to fall in love, eh? :) I'm kinda even thinking of moving to the next stage with him. WAAA. Can't believe I just said that. Makes me hope he won't read this hahaha. 'Cause I absolutely can't imagine my future without him. Liiike... when I think of me being a college student, there's always this automatic question of, "Hmm when would I call him?" it's like he's a part of my life now. A big part of it. :) Of course, God's still my number 1. :) He may not want the same things I want with him and me but... I'm not giving up. (paulit-ulit? HAHA) There. He's sleeping already. I just wanna let this out first before I go to bed. I'm in love. :) Mama, help meeeee. I'm in trouble. Hahahah life's too short to have regrets. :) As long as he's happy, Imma be happy too. Just hopin' we'll end up together someday. Because!! I really really really wanna grow old with him. :) <---- and I just can't believe I just said that. =))) nah, it's true, though. :) He's the one I wanna be with when all my dreams come true. He's the one I want next to me. Most of all, he's the one I wanna cuddle with while watching Disney movies!! :"> Ughhh why does it have to be this way! Why is he so far awaaay. :( When we talk, sometimes I can't focus on what he's saying 'cause there are these 5 words that my heart and mind has always been shouting... "I WANT TO HUG YOU!" huhuhu I really really do. Always always always. -______- now I sound like a stalker/maniac hahaha :D Sorry but, I can't give you up! :) I loooooove you P!!! :)
I think I can sleep noooow. Tomorrow I'll start a new post. I won't go with the topic marriage for my speech in English after all. Hmmm. I'll go with what I feel right now. About highschool and on what the future holds for us, senior students. :)
Monday, January 23, 2012
Marriage.
I don't know what being married to the person you love feels like. Just thinking about spending eternity with the one you love... makes my heart race. I have no idea what it feels like, for now... to have a family with your other half... But what is marriage anyway?
With the power of Google I searched it's meaning.
According to Wikipedia, Marriage (or wedlock) is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways, depending on the culture or subculture in which it is found. Such a union, often formalized via a wedding ceremony, may also be called matrimony.
People marry for many reasons, including one or more of the following: legal, social, libidinal, emotional, economic, spiritual, and religious.
A website called Psychology Today describes marriage as the process by which two people who love each other make their relationship public, official, and permanent. It is the joining of two people in a bond that putatively lasts until death, but in practice is increasingly cut short by divorce.
Having witnessed my parents' divorce, I have doubted the lasting power of marriage. Never ending... that's how it's supposed to be right? Getting a divorce, for me, isn't wrong. Getting married too early is the problem that made them undergo divorce afterwards. They were too impatient. They thought they found the right person for them.
The right person... By experiencing unrequited loves and heartbreaks, we unknowingly close our hearts every single time we get hurt. That's why we put up standards after standards which make it so hard for us to find the right person for us. Some have already met with their soul mates but they haven't realized it yet. How do we know that a person is the one for us? Some people say that you'll "just know".
There's this book titled Mars and Venus on a Date by John Gray that I am currently reading that was lent to me by my friend, Keith. It says there that there are certain steps to get to marriage with the one you truly love. There are five stages: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and finally, engagement. :) We have to go through these stages slowly to create a loving and lasting relationship.
I'm past the attraction stage. I can say that me and P are on the uncertainty stage now. :) Yes, I'm having doubts. I am not sure where our relationship is going... but one thing I'm certain of is that I don't want this feeling to end. Wherever this will lead me, I'll just let it be. In the uncertainty stage, as stated in the book, "Even though you may not be sure, if a part of you wants to pursue the relationship and if you want to prepare yourself to know for sure, then is time to move on to stage three and have an exclusive relationship. :)
But of course, how you handle or how you work your relationship is up to you. No book nor person can tell you what to do or what you should do. In the end, you just have to follow your heart. :)
Have you met the one? You have to be careful. You may experience a lot of heartbreaks but let each every heartbreak be a lesson. Being physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually attached to a person can only mean love. Listen and follow your heart, and nothing can go wrong. Go find that person, or if you believe you have found him/her go build a bridge towards your destiny. :)
Marriage... I still have a lot to go through to understand what it means and what it feels like to be married. Right now... I have to focus on myself. Gotta love yourself first before you can truly love your partner.
I don't know where this speech is going I'm not making any sense at all am I? -___-
UGHHHHH GOTTA WORK ON THIS -_____- This is for my speech in English class. Can't focus! -____-
With the power of Google I searched it's meaning.
According to Wikipedia, Marriage (or wedlock) is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways, depending on the culture or subculture in which it is found. Such a union, often formalized via a wedding ceremony, may also be called matrimony.
People marry for many reasons, including one or more of the following: legal, social, libidinal, emotional, economic, spiritual, and religious.
A website called Psychology Today describes marriage as the process by which two people who love each other make their relationship public, official, and permanent. It is the joining of two people in a bond that putatively lasts until death, but in practice is increasingly cut short by divorce.
Having witnessed my parents' divorce, I have doubted the lasting power of marriage. Never ending... that's how it's supposed to be right? Getting a divorce, for me, isn't wrong. Getting married too early is the problem that made them undergo divorce afterwards. They were too impatient. They thought they found the right person for them.
The right person... By experiencing unrequited loves and heartbreaks, we unknowingly close our hearts every single time we get hurt. That's why we put up standards after standards which make it so hard for us to find the right person for us. Some have already met with their soul mates but they haven't realized it yet. How do we know that a person is the one for us? Some people say that you'll "just know".
There's this book titled Mars and Venus on a Date by John Gray that I am currently reading that was lent to me by my friend, Keith. It says there that there are certain steps to get to marriage with the one you truly love. There are five stages: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and finally, engagement. :) We have to go through these stages slowly to create a loving and lasting relationship.
I'm past the attraction stage. I can say that me and P are on the uncertainty stage now. :) Yes, I'm having doubts. I am not sure where our relationship is going... but one thing I'm certain of is that I don't want this feeling to end. Wherever this will lead me, I'll just let it be. In the uncertainty stage, as stated in the book, "Even though you may not be sure, if a part of you wants to pursue the relationship and if you want to prepare yourself to know for sure, then is time to move on to stage three and have an exclusive relationship. :)
But of course, how you handle or how you work your relationship is up to you. No book nor person can tell you what to do or what you should do. In the end, you just have to follow your heart. :)
Have you met the one? You have to be careful. You may experience a lot of heartbreaks but let each every heartbreak be a lesson. Being physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually attached to a person can only mean love. Listen and follow your heart, and nothing can go wrong. Go find that person, or if you believe you have found him/her go build a bridge towards your destiny. :)
Marriage... I still have a lot to go through to understand what it means and what it feels like to be married. Right now... I have to focus on myself. Gotta love yourself first before you can truly love your partner.
I don't know where this speech is going I'm not making any sense at all am I? -___-
UGHHHHH GOTTA WORK ON THIS -_____- This is for my speech in English class. Can't focus! -____-
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Dreams~
What do I want to be...Where do I want to go... What do I want to achieve? These are the questions that I always ask. First off, I have to think about what I have already achieved. Have I already succeeded in life? We all have a different definitions of what success is or on what we base it on. For me, success is having reached your goals and also, having to touch as many lives as you can. I have a lot of ambitions! I wanna be a singer, a dancer, an artist, a model (HAHA), a hero, a superhero =)), a lawyer, a teacher, a bird(?), a butterfly... what am I talking about... Hahaha. Most of all!!! I wanna be an inspiration and a good example to others! Being able to inspire people... I'd love that. I just wanna live a life with no regrets. I wanna make tons of friends, make gazillions of good memories, have an everlasting love with the right guy for me (I hope it's P meheh), live a long and fulfilling life with my family, and when I die... I wanna be embraced by the Lord in His arms. :) To die happy. There you have it. Those are my dreams. Hmmm. I still don't know what lies ahead for me... but I sure am gonna live each moment like it's my last. Especially now that there are only 10 Fridays remaining before we leave highschool. :( gonna miss all my schoolmates, classmates, teachers? Hell yes! :( Huhuhu :(
Go go go Aimee! :) Gonna chase after my dreams!!!! :)
Go go go Aimee! :) Gonna chase after my dreams!!!! :)
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Euphoriaaaa!
Not even the word euphoria could totally be the definition of what I feel right now. I am just so so so happy!! :"""> I passed the UPCAT! I am qualified to be a University of the Philippines (UP) student! :) yeyyy Thank You so much, Lord God! Now I could imagine what my future would probably look like and plan for it. Wooooo. If Ellysa and my other girlfriends who passed in the same campus as ours, LB, would be permitted by their parents to live in an apartment, we'd all live together :"> yeyyyy!!!! I know it won't be easy. It will be hard. There will be times I'd tell myself to give it up, I'm sure. But I will really fight my laziness haha I'll study super duper hard!!! :) To the maximum level haha no words can describe how happy I am right now :) thank You, Lord!! I offer my life to You. :) I'm now more determined to study well, knowing that I'll be able to study at my dream school in college! :) Yeyyy :) My family has always been very supportive of me. I love them very much! More than words. Meheh :"> and also, I'd like to thank P!!! For adding color into my life meheheh cheesy =)))) My heart can't contain this... I've never felt this much happiness before. My heart's gonna explode any minute now :"> I owe it all to You, Lord God! :) I love Youuuu! :) >:D<
I still don't wanna leave my highschool life yet.... but something changed now. Now, I'm finally looking forward to college. :)
I still don't wanna leave my highschool life yet.... but something changed now. Now, I'm finally looking forward to college. :)
♥
Saturday, January 7, 2012
CONFUSED
Happy. Sad. Happy. Sad. Happy. Sad. Happy. Sad. What. Am. I. Gonna. Do. Might. Not. Make. It. Out. Alive. (my heart that is)
Sunday, January 1, 2012
YOU STUPID HEART
I knew it I knew it I knew it. Can't believe myself. Now talking with my half sistah Eda. -___- And whyy... why am I crying like this. First tears for the new year. Great!!!!!!!
Cheers to 2012! :)
Haluuu there hihi. I still haven't done any of my projects yet haha huhu. Gonna do it tomorrow. Wanna take a full rest today!! :) I.. had a nice 2011 ending and an awesome start of 2012. :) That's all thanks to God, my family, my friends.. and.. meheh P. :) Anywaaay. There's this Facebook application called Message From God. :D And it says that today.. God wants me to know..
Hihihi :) true true true. Gotta enjoy the uncertainty. :D Last night I had fun keeping up with my close friends. Was shocked with their new loves. Hahaha ayun. I... sometimes think about the past huhu. Maybe I've been going back too much lately. Gotta move on!! I'll do my best to not be afraid of falling just 'cause of a previous heartbreak of mine. :) New year, new life. Meheheh :) Anyway!! I miss P!! :) We slept at 4:30am na meheh
As I've said on my previous post, I really did burn the paper where I wrote things I wanna forget. :) And the bad things I regret doing :( ayun. I buuuurned it to ashes. Meheh. :) This new year, I wanna live a life with no regrets. :D Goodbye 2011, hello hello hello 2012! :)
Cheers to 2012! ;)
that nothing is exciting if you know what the outcome is going to be. You keep wanting to know how things will play out, keep asking to see the future. God doesn't give anyone the power to know the future, because life becomes maddeningly boring when you know everything upfront. So, instead of struggling, enjoy the uncertainty - to be alive means to not know.
Hihihi :) true true true. Gotta enjoy the uncertainty. :D Last night I had fun keeping up with my close friends. Was shocked with their new loves. Hahaha ayun. I... sometimes think about the past huhu. Maybe I've been going back too much lately. Gotta move on!! I'll do my best to not be afraid of falling just 'cause of a previous heartbreak of mine. :) New year, new life. Meheheh :) Anyway!! I miss P!! :) We slept at 4:30am na meheh
As I've said on my previous post, I really did burn the paper where I wrote things I wanna forget. :) And the bad things I regret doing :( ayun. I buuuurned it to ashes. Meheh. :) This new year, I wanna live a life with no regrets. :D Goodbye 2011, hello hello hello 2012! :)
Cheers to 2012! ;)
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