Uncertainty.

I'm not sure. My heart is wavering. I don't know if I should continue this or not. I don't know where this is going. But that doesn't mean that I love him any less. I love him, I truly do. But if he won't choose me, there's nothing else I can do. I can't force him to pick me. :( He told me that he's unsure of his feelings 'cause of his former love. :(((( When he said those words, damn. My heart almost died. If this had happened with any other guy, I would have given up already. So why... why can't I give up now!!! I went to church earlier. The feelings came rushing back to me. It all came back to me. On the last week of December, there I was in our church, kneeling before God, thanking Him for letting me meet P. While I was praying earlier, tears came flowing down my cheeks. I tried to stop crying though, 'cause it was embarrassing to be seen by people meheh. And so, I thanked Him again for letting me get to know P. Everyday I will thank Him for that. I'm suffering right now. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't regret feeling this way, even though it hurts so bad. He's the reason why I'm hurting right now... and at the same time, he's the only one who could make me this much happy. :) I thank him for that. He doesn't know how much he had changed my life... if he were to leave me, I'd understand. God has plans for everyone of us, He has plans for me. Whatever will be will be. Right now, he's still unsure of his feelings. I feel the same. All I know is that I don't want this to end. I'm serious now. I could be a bitch (sorry for the word -_-) at times... I could fool around anytime, but no. I won't. This time I'm serious. I'm sure. I ain't letting him go. Being this unsure, I hate it, but at the same time I don't hate it. Whuuut. Now that's confusing. Haha. I think this is what it means to fall in love, eh? :) I'm kinda even thinking of moving to the next stage with him. WAAA. Can't believe I just said that. Makes me hope he won't read this hahaha. 'Cause I absolutely can't imagine my future without him. Liiike... when I think of me being a college student, there's always this automatic question of, "Hmm when would I call him?" it's like he's a part of my life now. A big part of it. :) Of course, God's still my number 1. :) He may not want the same things I want with him and me but... I'm not giving up. (paulit-ulit? HAHA) There. He's sleeping already. I just wanna let this out first before I go to bed. I'm in love. :) Mama, help meeeee. I'm in trouble. Hahahah life's too short to have regrets. :) As long as he's happy, Imma be happy too. Just hopin' we'll end up together someday. Because!! I really really really wanna grow old with him. :) <---- and I just can't believe I just said that. =))) nah, it's true, though. :) He's the one I wanna be with when all my dreams come true. He's the one I want next to me. Most of all, he's the one I wanna cuddle with while watching Disney movies!! :"> Ughhh why does it have to be this way! Why is he so far awaaay. :( When we talk, sometimes I can't focus on what he's saying 'cause there are these 5 words that my heart and mind has always been shouting... "I WANT TO HUG YOU!" huhuhu I really really do. Always always always. -______- now I sound like a stalker/maniac hahaha :D Sorry but, I can't give you up! :) I loooooove you P!!! :)



I think I can sleep noooow. Tomorrow I'll start a new post. I won't go with the topic marriage for my speech in English after all. Hmmm. I'll go with what I feel right now. About highschool and on what the future holds for us, senior students. :)